19 going on 20.

In todays blog, Im going to give you a little bit of an update on my life.

I have learned a lot about myself and the other people in my life over the last year. It has been a year of personal growth and understanding. It is obviously still a continuing process and will be throughout the rest of my life. But, for now, I will tell you what I have learned over the last year.

First, I have learned that good jobs are hard to find and harder to keep. I have been through three jobs in the last year. I was a Personal Caregiver to a beautiful young special needs girl and that was very heartwarming and fun for the stage in life that I was in. Then I moved on to Starbucks, which I enjoyed very much! The people were hard to get used to and made my job very taxing on my mental health. I loved the fast-paced work environment and the lovely coworkers and friends I made throughout the months of working there. I was conned into leaving Starbucks by a boss that intentions were bad. I was a babysitter and was going to work full-time and make double the money. I wasn't using my best judgement and thought this boss was a good person. Little did I know, they weren't. I stayed there for about two months and they hired someone else and fired. I was left with no job and no money. That is how its been for the last three months. Ive learned that I need to not jump into a decision so quickly and use my best judgement when making a big change.

Second, friendships are hard. Ive lost so many friends over the year and thought I gained some pretty good ones. I don't do friendships and relationships very well together. I never have and that something I work on everyday. I am learning how to balance my job, friends, family, and home life all at once and its very hard for me.

Thirdly? Yeah, I'm on the third one. I am learning a lot about myself, which means that relationships are not something that comes easy. Last year, I was in a relationship that was very good. I just didn't have the feelings that someone was supposed to in order to love someone. It was more of a friendly feeling instead of a love. I realize that now and didn't before. We hurt each other really badly at the end of that relationship and I sometimes wish we didn't. I wish that we could have stayed friends and helped each other through the hard times that we had. I then found whom I consider to be "The One." I know I know, I am young and you can't know that for sure. But, I really do consider him the person I will spend the rest of my life with. We grow together and lift each other up, we don't drag each other down when we are mad or upset. We talk out all of our problems. Ive learned so much from him and he from me. I learned how to cook and found out cleaning was essential. I learned that having an episode and being depressed do not have to effect my whole day. I can still have an episode and have an amazing day. I get to teach him how to love and not fight. I have gotten the opportunity to teach him how to have peace with himself and also everyone else.

Wisdom comes with age. I am turning 20 today and I don't feel any wiser to be honest. But, I can tell that my decision making skills have improved. My talking ability used to me non-existent, but now I can effectively communicate my problems and feelings. I cry, almost every time, but I do it. So, thats a plus.

I also realized that my relationship with my mother this past year has tremendously changed. I think its because I moved out and we aren't up each others butts all the time. I notice we talk to each other now, which we could never do before. We talk about all of our problems and life changes. I have never been able to confide into my mother because of my own problems but over the last year I have come to realize that she is my biggest supporter. I can confide in her and talk to her about anything. Literally anything. I love her and our relationship that we have built.

I found a lovely kitten who was very sick. She was about 6 weeks old and was a stray. She was most definitely on the verge of dying and I could not let that happen. My boyfriend was TOTALLY against having a pet, which I get. How can we take care of a sick pet if we can't even take care of ourselves right now? HA. I know right? I didn't listen. Having a fur baby is the biggest blessing. She is the light of my life when I come home every day. She is a kitten so its not all cuddles and rainbows, but watching her have fun and learn things about herself is so heartwarming.

Okay, last thing, I promise. I can't end a blog without at least touching on my mental wellbeing. I am really doing well. I have had to work so hard over the last year in order to get to where I am. Its been so hard but therapy, medication, and lots of writing has helped me a lot. I am to a point where I can be happy, I can be sad, and I can be depressed and still be okay at the end of the day. There are constant struggles I have to go through in order to get to that point, but I have supporters. I have myself and the imbalance in my brain is NOT going to keep me from living the best life I can.